An Apple a Day - One way to negotiate with your child

Poker Chips – 

               One of the tools I use for negotiation is plastic, red poker chips. One of my sons has defiance disorder (but this works for all children). He has very little self-control over his anger and will say and do inappropriate things when his expectations are not met in his way. Poker chips have helped him curb his outbursts and control his reactions.

               We have a jar that starts off empty each day. He gets 2 poker chips put in his jar just for waking up each day. He is a person of value, regardless of his behavior, so he starts fresh with 2 chips. Throughout the day, he can earn a chip for each of his school subjects that he completes. He has 5 core subjects, so he can earn 5 more chips for 7 total.

He uses these chips to pay for privileges, which cost 2 chips each, such as playing an hour of video games, watching an hour of TV, playing on the computer for an hour, or using the cell phone for an hour. He can only “afford” 3 of the activities, so he has to choose his priorities.

Yes, there is a chip left over. It is insurance because if he swears at mom or dad in a fit of rage, he loses a chip. If he refuses to do his work or screams at us, he loses a chip. If he loses too many chips, he can no longer afford as many privileges. We try to pick our battles and not have a power struggle over every argument. We try to give him the benefit of the doubt, not take away all his chips (it would be easy to do, some days), and not back him into a corner, emotionally.

But we have noticed that with this motivation – to have to earn his privileges – he has more self-control and can calm himself down and respond better. Negotiation with poker chips helps him overcome his rage and feel better about himself. He also appreciates his blessings more if he has to earn them.

And it helps him understand the Law of the Harvest, that we reap what we sow. It helps us battle his feelings of entitlement, that he should always get his way no matter what. Control issues and entitlement are a common problem for bipolar children, children of rage (defiance disorder), and some Aspergers/autistic children.

The poker chips help us remove our own frustration and anger from the equation, too. Our son can see, by the chips in his jar, what he has earned. We can keep our emotions out of it. It is a visual point system that works for us.

http://thegodfreymethod.com

Top Ten Myths of Reading 7

Myth 7. Make the child perform.

Truth: Instead, have no control issues or power struggles. Use no anger or shame. Do not pressure the child to perform. Stay calm. Using force, punishment, or criticism is damaging. When the child wants to quit partway through the cards, then STOP. Pick it up later. Keep it fun.

Does this sound familiar? How many times as parents have we tried to help our kids with their homework or piano practice, only to have the whole thing end up in a fight? Your child screams, “That’s not the way my teacher did it!” You get frustrated when he won’t listen. Eventually one (or both) of you goes to your room and slams the door.

The Godfrey Method insists that you de-fuse this scenario before it starts. One of the cardinal rules is to have no control issues or power struggles. Never force the child to respond or perform. Learning at home should be fun and joyous. 

"But how?" you say. I make bonding-time fun and joyous while learning. At first, I present the phonics picture-letter cards from "A Funny Boy Was Prince River" to my child, saying the sound and then the accompanying word. I go through as many letters as my child wants. If s/he loses interest, we stop and pick it up again later.

After a few times of me saying the sounds and words, my child will start to say them after me or with me. A few times after that, my child will say them first before I do. It's really marvelous to see him/her light up with understanding!

Once a few letter-sounds are well known, I form small 3-letter words and show my child how to sound them out. I have whole lists of these words in the HELPS from previous blogs.

We sound out each letter separately, left to right. Next we say each letter-sound slowly while blending it into the next one (like a piano slur from one note to the next). Then we "say it fast!" The children love this, and after hearing me say the sounds slowly, in sequence, without a break or breath between, they can say it fast (recognize the word) all by themselves. They feel so smart!

Once my children can sound-out several small words, they are ready to move on to the phonics speling rules, which help them learn alternate sounds and be able to decode any new word properly. We do NOT guess by context. No, no, no.

Eighty percent of words follow these rules. The rest are Platypus words, and children find this concept easy to understand. Just have fun with it. Remember, Keep It Simple for Success (KISS your child).

http://thegodfreymethod.com