Poker Chips –
One of the tools I use for negotiation
is plastic, red poker chips. One of my sons has defiance disorder (but this
works for all children). He has very little self-control over his anger and
will say and do inappropriate things when his expectations are not met in his
way. Poker chips have helped him curb his outbursts and control his reactions.
We have
a jar that starts off empty each day. He gets 2 poker chips put in his jar just
for waking up each day. He is a person of value, regardless of his behavior, so
he starts fresh with 2 chips. Throughout the day, he can earn a chip for each
of his school subjects that he completes. He has 5 core subjects, so he can
earn 5 more chips for 7 total.
He uses these chips to pay for
privileges, which cost 2 chips each, such as playing an hour of video games,
watching an hour of TV, playing on the computer for an hour, or using the cell
phone for an hour. He can only “afford” 3 of the activities, so he has to
choose his priorities.
Yes, there is a chip left over. It
is insurance because if he swears at mom or dad in a fit of rage, he loses a
chip. If he refuses to do his work or screams at us, he loses a chip. If he
loses too many chips, he can no longer afford as many privileges. We try to
pick our battles and not have a power struggle over every argument. We
try to give him the benefit of the doubt, not take away all his chips (it would
be easy to do, some days), and not back him into a corner, emotionally.
But we have noticed that with this
motivation – to have to earn his privileges – he has more self-control and can
calm himself down and respond better. Negotiation with poker chips helps him
overcome his rage and feel better about himself. He also appreciates his
blessings more if he has to earn them.
And it helps him understand the Law
of the Harvest, that we reap what we sow. It helps us battle his feelings of
entitlement, that he should always get his way no matter what. Control issues
and entitlement are a common problem for bipolar children, children of rage
(defiance disorder), and some Aspergers/autistic children.
The poker chips help us remove our
own frustration and anger from the equation, too. Our son can see, by the chips
in his jar, what he has earned. We can keep our emotions out of it. It is a
visual point system that works for us.
http://thegodfreymethod.com
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