Thursday's child has far to go - the need for nurturing

“Thursday’s child has far to go” ~ Monday’s Child Nursery Rhyme

               Whenever I hear about children adopted from the Romanian orphanages, it makes me think of my wonderful Romanian cousins. Back in 1990 and 1991, four of my aunts and one of my uncles, as well as a cousin, went to Romania and adopted two or three children each, adding 13 children to my extended family. They are now all young adults in the United States. But that is another story.

               Around 2002, there was a TV show that had taken Romanian-adopted American kids whose parents were unaware of the reason why their children were unable to learn in school and why they had problems bonding with them. 

               The educators and doctors did tests on the children, who were by this time older, some in their early teens.  They even did MRI s and brain scans, etc.  On TV they showed the X-rays or scan pictures and the results were black spots on the children’s brain matter, caused by severe neglect and lack of affection and touch in the orphanages.  They explained that there was no way to reverse the effects of the damage. According to Dr. Michael Merzenich, this is not true.

               If the parents who adopted from Romania had been taught the things to do to help their children before age five, the children could have been helped. There would have been a chance that they could give them stimulation and rebuild brain cells to reverse the damage. But there is a window of time for brain neuron-mapping that should have been utilized. On the show, there were angry parents who complained that they were never told that there was something that they could have done to stimulate their children's brains and reverse the damage already done.

               My aunts and uncles seemed to naturally know how to nurture their Romanian children, who fared much better, overall, than the average Romanian adoptees. We all come from a heritage that cherishes children and strives to give them a solid foundation in a loving home. I am grateful for my grandparents and great-grandparents who knew that children need comforting and being held, and not to "self-soothe," which is a terrible practice. I consider myself lucky to be born into the family I was, whose great examples of love and parenting have been passed on to each successive generation. Most of my Romanian cousins are leading successful lives, thanks to the love and care of my aunts.

               Have you ever wondered when the brain's neural foundations are "set" or permanent? Well, according to Dr. Michael Merzenich, neurosurgeon and founder of Scientific Learning, they never are. Even adult brains have plasticity, and he has proven it. More on this discussion later.

http://thegodfreymethod.com

Healing the effects of trauma on reading skills

Effects of abuse and neglect on reading - Hope for children

                Sometimes the inability to learn easily stems from a deep-seated psychological disturbance that ‘blocks’ a child’s ability to learn. S/he is not unintelligent, just traumatized. Now, to add sight-reading to the mix is just throwing the child from the frying pan into the fire.

Abuse and neglect re-wire the brain in an unhealthy manner. Even so, these children can learn to read by direct-instruction phonics, giving them a sense of accomplishment. Such personal success can help their self-esteem and give them the tools to eventually improve their situation. I’ve seen it happen many times.

                One mom, Serenity, is healing her two, adopted-daughters' rough beginnings with The Godfrey Method. Their biological egg-donor (I can’t use the word, mom, with her) was a severe drug addict, very neglectful and abusive. The bonding and brain stimulation from A Merry Child Was Alpha Bettehas helped Serenity’s daughters develop from asocial, slow-learners into normal, engaging, bright children.

                Serenity is my daughter and I’m so proud of her! She is introducing The Godfrey Method to other foster moms in her area to help rebuild their foster children’s foundations for a better future.

                Several others have made me aware of children who had learning disabilities because of abuse and/or neglect. One man, Steve, couldn’t concentrate in first grade, so he kept falling further and further behind. The teacher told his parents that he had learning disabilities, which only worsened as he grew older.

                The truth is that this little boy couldn't concentrate in school because of what was happening at home. He was being regularly abused and molested by a relative, and his thoughts in class were distracted by things a first grader shouldn’t think about. The teachers and other students made him feel dumb at school, and he believed them.

                However, Steve wasn't dumb at all! As an adult, he put himself through college and worked hard to come up to speed. He is a successful business man. A show on Oprah about child abuse gave him the courage, decades later, to tell his mother what had happened to him as a child.

                This makes me realize that so many foster children, adopted children, and others who have a difficult childhood, can be helped with The Godfrey Method to realize they are not dumb, but capable. Their emotional trauma affects their learning by traditional methods.

And sight-reading does even more damage. Foster and adoptive parents would benefit from one-on-one time with these children while rebuilding their foundations with phonics the right way.

                Does this sound familiar? How many times as parents have we tried to help our kids with their homework or piano practice, only to have the whole thing end up in a fight? Your child screams, “That’s not the way my teacher did it!” You get frustrated when he won’t listen. Eventually one (or both) of you goes to your room and slams the door.

                The Godfrey Method insists that you de-fuse this scenario before it starts. One of the cardinal rules is to have no control issues or power struggles. Encourage, negotiate, but never force the child to respond or perform. Learning at home should be fun and joyous!

http://thegodfreymethod.com