You are a caring, concerned, proactive parent, and you want to spend time with your children. You know that it is important for parents to be more involved in early childhood learning, not less.
More pre-school is not usually the best answer. Showing your children how to read early the right way, in a nurturing home environment, is much better. “If you delay, you may pay,” as the saying goes.
But kids don't come with a manual and good parenting skills are learned, so never fear, help is on the way.
Here is a list of 34 of my favorite parenting tips. They work every time I remember to follow them.
No one can master a list of 34 parenting habits all at once. Just pick one or two to work on now, and when they’re comfortably established in your routine, try a couple more.
Continuous improvement is a life-long pursuit, and change can be slow. Be patient with yourself. Keep trying; never give up.
Like Dori says on Finding Nemo, “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…”
Good Parenting Skills:
1. ENCOURAGE YOUR CHILD
A misbehaving child is a discouraged one.
2. AVOID PUNISHMENT & REWARD (love and logic instead)
It reinforces mistaken goals.
3. USE NATURAL & LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES
And don’t ‘bail the child out’.
4. BE FIRM WITHOUT DOMINATING
Keep your choice without showing anger.
5. RESPECT THE CHILD
Don’t humiliate or over-demand.
6. INDUCE RESPECT FOR ORDER
Do not shield children from the results of disorder.
7. INDUCE RESPECT FOR THE RIGHTS OF OTHERS
Cheerfully remove the offending child, or ‘play the game’ (do it his way for a minute).
8. ELIMINATE CRITICISM & MINIMIZE MISTAKES
We cannot build on weakness – only on strength.
9. MAINTAIN ROUTINE
Routine provides order and freedom, not license.
10. TAKE TIME FOR TRAINING
Correcting the untrained child fails to ‘teach’, only criticizes, discourages, and provokes.
11. WIN COOPERATION
Recognize a behavior’s purpose; feel NO rancor; discuss.
12. AVOID GIVING UNDUE ATTENTION
What are the demands of the situation? A child seeking constant attention is unhappy.
13. SIDE-STEP THE POWER STRUGGLE
Find a different and effective approach. Be firm, but ‘have no stake’ in the child’s reaction.
14. WITHDRAW FROM THE CONFLICT (don't react)
Take the sail out of his wind!
15. ACTION! NOT WORDS
Cheerfully, I decide what I will do, NOW. If possible, say nothing.
16. DON’T SHOO FLIES
Children become ‘parent-deaf’ to nagging.
17. HAVE THE COURAGE TO SAY ‘NO’
Children must learn to cope with frustration. We are not slaves to satisfy, nor indulge, their every whim.
18. AVOID THAT FIRST IMPULSE – DO THE UNEXPECTED
Join the child; Give a hug instead of anger.
19. REFRAIN FROM OVER-PROTECTION
This is discouraging the child’s abilities.
20. STIMULATE INDEPENDENCE
Never do for a child what s/he can do her/himself. Within reason.
21. STAY OUT OF FIGHTS (or respond without anger)
What is the behavior’s purpose? To get parents’ immediate attention. Separate the children or remove the object. Do not allow bullying in either direction.
(Children should NOT just work things out by themselves. The larger or meaner child always wins, which isn’t right. Some situations need calm parental intervention.)
22. BE UNIMPRESSED BY FEARS
Don’t encourage fears by making a big fuss. Children are natural hams.
23. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS
Stay out of someone else’s relationship, unless there’s abuse. Have confidence in your influence at other times when you're not there.
24. AVOID THE PITFALLS OF PITY
Pity is damaging, even when justifiable and understandable. This different than empathy or sympathy or compassion.
25. MAKE REQUESTS REASONABLE & SPARSE
Don’t attempt to show authority. Use opportunity instead of oppositional reaction. Win-win, not win-lose.
26. FOLLOW THROUGH – BE CONSISTENT
Otherwise, we train them in disobedience.
27. PUT THEM ALL IN THE SAME BOAT
Dealing with children individually intensifies their competition. Treat all as a unit.
28. LISTEN!
Children have valuable solutions and ideas. Also, what is the child’s meaning behind negative words?
29. WATCH YOUR TONE OF VOICE
Don’t dictate, discourage, nor condescend, in tone.
30. TAKE IT EASY
Don’t be over-concerned or worried. Relax.
31. DOWNGRADE ‘BAD’ HABITS
Make no fuss. Quietly, privately give a choice, or ignore it totally. Otherwise, it’s more fun to continue.
32. HAVE FUN TOGETHER
Hostility is reduced; harmony increases.
33. TALK WITH CHILDREN, NOT TO THEM
Use sentences like -
“I wonder why _?”
“What if _?”
“What else could _?”
“Do you have any ideas _?”
“How do _?”
“What can _?”
“You may be right.”
“We’ll think about it and see what happens.”
“I don’t agree with you.”
“But you have the right to think so, if you wish.”
“I would appreciate it if you would _.”
34. ESTABLISH A FAMILY COUNCIL
The decision holds for a week, with no further discussion. Democracy is everyone working for the good of the situation, not for personal tyranny and license.
As you can see, most of these take self-control on the part of us parents. It has taken me a lifetime to get some of these.
One of my favorite mantras is:
"It doesn't matter how the child makes you feel; it only matters how you make the child feel - you're the adult."
Easier said than done, but I have faith in you. The goal is to raise independent, responsible, capable children with healthy self-esteems and motivation. You can do it!
http://thegodfreymethod.com/blog/head-start-34-favorite-parenting-tips
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