Hello, there! Let's discuss the 3 most important things every infant or child needs.
As quoted in my previous blog, Professor David J. Armor from George Mason University writes,
“Children’s intelligence levels can change in response to some types of environmental influences… In other words, one arrives in the world not with a fixed IQ but with intelligence that can be damaged or enhanced, primarily by one’s parents and mainly during the pre-school years.”
(Taking time with your child to joyfully do The Godfrey Method gives him/her the two most crucial things that all kids need: parent time and reading skills. Not only that, but quality parent time and excellent reading skills.)
According to Professor Armor, the most important factors that influence intelligence are the parenting behaviors of breast-feeding, cognitive stimulation, and emotional support.
- Breast-feeding studies have long proven that it raises intelligence by several points and is the best start for a child, if possible. If medically impossible, then babies should always be held while being bottle-fed, even after they are old enough to hold the bottle themselves (and it should never be propped in their mouths). Proper nutrition is also important throughout a young child’s brain development.
- Cognitive stimulation includes providing a learning environment at home with time for fun instruction, time for interaction and attention, and money spent on educational outings, reading materials, toys, and other educational materials. Such cognitive stimulation activities have a significant correlation to a child’s test scores and intelligence.
- Emotional support is the other part of important parenting behaviors that increase a child’s intelligence. Children with emotional support at home have significantly higher test scores, on average.
That leads Armor to conclude that the best way to maximize children's intelligence is through their parents and that the appropriate tools include strengthening parents and families and mitigating the adverse ‘risk factors’. (Note: Missouri’s “Parents as Teachers” program does a good job of this.)
For ideas and creativity to flourish, there must be a safe place for a child to feel accepted, admired, and adored. Children need a psychologically and emotionally safe environment to grow into their best selves, to feel secure about sharing their thoughts and feelings.
What are some elements of a psychologically-safe environment, a safe haven from the world? Sometimes children can be frustrating, seem hyper-active, and/or be prone to frustrating perfectionism.
Here are 11 tips for keeping perspective to help you in your journey:
- Keep the negatives to yourself. Don’t 'call it like it is,' in our opinion. Such “honesty” may be based on our perception, not the facts. Other people may see our child or situation in a better light. Give child the benefit of the doubt.
- Be patient. Don’t set a child's character in stone with labeling. Growth and change is life-long and constant. When it comes to a child's behavior, nothing is permanent. It is not the end of the world. Change is slow, and sometimes children don't "get it" until they move out on their own. So relax.
- Stay positive. Don’t criticize or label the child. Such name-calling negativity is demeaning, saps hope, de-motivates people, and sets up a self-fulfilling prophecy in the wrong direction. It rarely changes someone for the better, if ever.
- There’s always hope. Don’t act hopeless and disappointed. Often people try all sorts of things to manipulate others into doing what they want. But these often backfire and produce the opposite results. Don’t act like it’s the end of the world when children make mistakes. We aren’t perfect, either.
- Let go of the shame game. Don’t tell a child that she is embarrassing herself. Maybe the parent is the embarrassed one, and maybe that’s because of a biased viewpoint. Give her credit for making the effort and taking the risk to try.
- Appreciate the little things. Don’t treat a child like his efforts were a waste of everyone’s time. Notice what’s good and right in a situation instead of what is perceived to be wrong. Accentuate the positive. No one will ever be perfect, and something good can be found in most situations.
- Let go of false pride. “It is always better to be kind than right.” ~ Anna Maria Isaacson Whiting, as quoted by Douglas Shumway
- Check your anger. Don’t make mountains out of mole-hills. “Anger doesn’t solve anything. It builds nothing, but it can destroy everything.” ~ Lawrence Douglas Wilder
- Teach in a positive way. Parents can mistakenly focus on negative things with their children. It’s natural to want to correct their wrongs, but this tends to be de-motivating, not inspiring, to children. And then parents wonder why they’re not getting results.
- Repetition. Parenting takes calm repetition, repetition, repetition! Patience!
- The bottom line: It doesn't matter how a child makes you feel; it only matters how you make the child feel. You’re the adult.
Easier said than done, but soooo worth it! (My spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak.)
These are amazing tips. I must admit that it has taken me longer- on some of these- to become good habits than I hoped. Alas, human change is slow. But always keep trying!
Without these preventatives, the cracks in your child may be attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), children of rage, low self-esteem, insecurity, childhood depression, low self-confidence, lack of imagination, lower IQ, slower learning capacity, poor decision-making skills, lack of social skills, false pride, and/or lack of compassion/empathy for others. They all may be preventable or curable. You, mom and dad, are the key. It’s not rocket surgery!
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