Is there a difference between Fathers vs. Mothers when it comes to perceptions of a child's giftedness?
Expanding on the previous blog article, Linda Kreger Silverman, on http://www.gifteddevelopment.com, writes:
“What is giftedness all about? It certainly is a term that makes people uncomfortable. I remember going to a back-to-school night in 1976 and offering to find a mentor for any child who wanted to learn something he or she wasn't learning in school. There was no cost for the mentor. All the parents had to do was join the Boulder Association for the Gifted for $5 per year. I had no takers. One father stopped me afterwards and said something to the effect that his daughter was reading several years above grade level, and had a chemistry lab in the basement, etc., but he was “sure” his daughter wasn't gifted!
“Since those days, I have endeavored to discover what gifted means to different people. Most of my work has been with parents, and I began to notice that mothers usually called the Gifted Development Center to inquire about testing, while fathers often viewed the assessment with skepticism. When I spoke to parent groups, mothers would nod and smile and fathers would sit with crossed arms and question marks on their faces. One father came up to me after a presentation and told me about his son who had won all kinds of awards as a scholar at Stanford University, but he, too, was certain his son wasn't gifted. I asked him, “What would he have to do to be gifted in your eyes?” The father retorted, “Well, he's no Einstein.”†
“Then I came across a study in which the researcher thought mothers labeled one child in the family as gifted for their own “narcissistic needs.” [Not!]
An incidental finding of this study was that when the school had labeled the child, gifted, the mothers believed the label and the fathers denied it, which led to marital conflict. That was when the light bulb went on for me. I realized that mothers and fathers were defining giftedness differently. The more I thought about it, the clearer it seemed that the male writers in the field tended to view giftedness very much like the fathers I had run across and most female writers seemed to share the perspective of the mothers.
“[With men] all the emphasis is placed on products, performance, portfolios—the external trappings. And the child is expected to keep up the hard work throughout life, performing, producing, achieving. So ‘gifted’ has become the label bestowed by schools on “task committed,” hard working students who get good grades. Clearly, these are the students with the greatest potential for achievement in our competitive society. Is that what giftedness is all about? [No.]
“The achievement view of giftedness has been with us from the very beginning, with Sir Francis Galton’s (1869) study of eminent men. Today, educators are still looking for children who have the potential to be eminent men. The eminent child in school is the winner of the competition for grades and awards.
“After we tested his son, one Dad said to us, “He's only five. What could he have done in five years to be gifted?” Women, on the other hand, perceive giftedness as developmental advancement. If a Mom sees that her daughter is asking names of objects at 11 months, and memorizing books at 17 months, and asking complex questions before she's two years old, she gets very anxious. “How will she fit in with the other children?” “What will the teacher do with her if she's already reading in Kindergarten?” “Should I hide the books? I don't want them to think I'm another ‘pushy parent’.”
“Developing faster than other children makes a child vulnerable, and mothers are keenly aware of this vulnerability. When they can ignore it no longer, when the fear of “What will happen to my child?” rises in their throats, they gulp twice and call a specialist for guidance on their child's unique developmental progress (with one part of them screaming in their heads, “Do you realize how foolish you're going to look if you're wrong and this is all in your head?”). Despite the myth that “All parents think their children are gifted,” nine out of ten of the parents who break down and make that phone call are right.”
Note: actually, many of us moms delight in our child’s giftedness and do everything we can to help our child enhance it. Shame on any mom (or teacher, or magazine, or doctor) who would squelch a child’s intellectual development! Continuing:
“…So what is giftedness? The Moms are right. It is developmental advancement that can be observed in early childhood. But the child doesn't advance equally in all areas. As she asks, “What happens after you die” and “How do we know we aren't part of someone else's dream?” she still can't tie her shoes! An eleven-year-old highly gifted boy got off the plane with his calculus book in one hand and his well-worn Curious George in the other. The higher the child’s IQ, the more difficulty he or she has finding playmates or conforming to the lock-step school curriculum. The greater the discrepancy between a child's strengths and weaknesses, the harder it is for him or her to fit in anywhere.
“And Moms, a word about you. I would like a dollar for every mother who has sat in my office and said, “He gets it from his father.” Our society has such an achievement orientation toward giftedness that most women can't relate the concept to themselves at all. “I'm only a mother. I haven't done anything gifted.” Linda’s next book is about unrecognized giftedness in women. It's entitled, I'm Not Gifted, I'm Just Busy!” See gifted teen girls in future blogs.
So mom, if in your gut you feel your child is gifted, make the call to get him or her tested. There are so many support systems for gifted children now. Quoting Linda Kreger Silverman again:
“The damage we do to gifted children and adults by ignoring this phenomenon is far greater than the damage we do by labeling it. Without the label for their differences, the gifted come up with their own label: “I must be crazy. No one else is upset by this injustice but me.”
“It’s time we took giftedness out of the closet and separated it entirely from the concept of achievement. It’s time we recognized it, valued it and nurtured it in our schools and in our families.”
The male emphasis on achievement is also a bit misleading because, if achievement comes, it may be later in life or in an unexpected area. Some people are “late-bloomers” when it comes to achievement. One of my cousins floundered all through his 20s and 30s, but is now highly successful.
Some Myths about Gifted Children - http://www.ri.net/gifted_talented/character.html
Gifted Kids are like cream that rises to the top in a classroom:
Not necessarily. Gifted Children can have hidden learning disabilities that go undiscovered because they can easily compensate for them in the early years. As time goes on though, it becomes harder and harder for them to excel, [like my 5th son, as discussed previously], which can lead to behavior problems and depression.
Not necessarily. Gifted Children can have hidden learning disabilities that go undiscovered because they can easily compensate for them in the early years. As time goes on though, it becomes harder and harder for them to excel, [like my 5th son, as discussed previously], which can lead to behavior problems and depression.
Gifted Kids are so smart they do fine with or without special programs:
They may appear to do fine on their own. But without proper challenge they can become bored and unruly. As the years go by they may find it harder and harder as work does become more challenging, since they never faced challenge before.
They may appear to do fine on their own. But without proper challenge they can become bored and unruly. As the years go by they may find it harder and harder as work does become more challenging, since they never faced challenge before.
Gifted and Talented means the same thing:
Again, not necessarily. There is no rule that states that a child who is capable of scoring to the high ninety percentiles on group achievement testing must be considered gifted. We must remember that achievement tests like the Metropolitan Achievement Tests are "Grade Level Testing". Such a child is most definitely Academically Talented. But further individualized IQ and out of level academic testing must be given before we can define that child as "Gifted".
Again, not necessarily. There is no rule that states that a child who is capable of scoring to the high ninety percentiles on group achievement testing must be considered gifted. We must remember that achievement tests like the Metropolitan Achievement Tests are "Grade Level Testing". Such a child is most definitely Academically Talented. But further individualized IQ and out of level academic testing must be given before we can define that child as "Gifted".
At the same time, there is no rule that states a child identified as gifted should be Achieving to high standards in the classroom. This type of stereotyping can do serious and irreversible damage to both groups. ANY child can benefit from enrichment. Academically Talented Children can benefit from Honors (Grade Level) Classes. Intellectually Gifted children may need a differentiated curriculum and possibly even a different environment.
They need to go through school with their own age mates:
Where it's true that children need to play and interact socially with other children their age, they do not need to learn with them. Especially in the case of a highly gifted child who may have a chronological age of six and a mental age of 11 who has been reading since two. To put that child in a reading class with other six year olds who are just learning to read is sheer torture for that child.
Where it's true that children need to play and interact socially with other children their age, they do not need to learn with them. Especially in the case of a highly gifted child who may have a chronological age of six and a mental age of 11 who has been reading since two. To put that child in a reading class with other six year olds who are just learning to read is sheer torture for that child.
My 5th daughter tested as a very gifted child, so she attended the Spectrum Program for gifted children in Davis County, Utah. They have classrooms for gifted children that challenged them in wonderful ways. My daughter was writing college-level papers in 3rd – 6th grades, and had many hands-on experiences from a teacher trained in teaching gifted children. My child had the best of both worlds: kids her own age, who were also gifted from all over the county, in her classroom. Kudos to Davis County!
Giftedness is something to be jealous about:
This is perhaps the most damaging myth. More often than not gifted children can feel isolated and misunderstood. They have more adult tastes in music, clothing, reading material and food. These differences to other children can cause them to be shunned and even abused verbally or physically by other children. [But this is NOT a reason to hold them back. There are solutions for this.] Experts in the field of gifted education are beginning to address the higher incidences of ADHD and Spelling/Handwriting disabilities in the gifted population verses those in the much larger normal population.
This is perhaps the most damaging myth. More often than not gifted children can feel isolated and misunderstood. They have more adult tastes in music, clothing, reading material and food. These differences to other children can cause them to be shunned and even abused verbally or physically by other children. [But this is NOT a reason to hold them back. There are solutions for this.] Experts in the field of gifted education are beginning to address the higher incidences of ADHD and Spelling/Handwriting disabilities in the gifted population verses those in the much larger normal population.
